BREAKING NEWS: Alan Curbishley quits West Ham

No, you quit first, honey

And we were all busy watching Kevin Keegan. Llewellyn Charles ‘Alan’ Curbishley has quit as manager of West Ham. The Hammers boss was thought to be heading for the sack before Saturday’s 4-1 win over Blackburn. But it is thought the club’s decision to sell defender George McCartney to Sunderland on transfer deadline day without managerial consent has caused him to quit as boss.

Curbs has said that decisions made “without involving me”, were “a breach of trust and confidence meaning I had no option but to leave.” Hammer fans, what do you make of this?

Kevin Keegan: this is how much you mean to Newcastle fans

Nobody seems to know whether Kevin Keegan is staying or going, so I am not even going to attempt to unravel that one at the moment. For now we will focus on the attempts of a pair of Newcastle fans to convince King Kev to stay at St James’ Park through the medium of what appears to be a curry-stained sheet. Surely it is only a matter of time before Clinton Cards stock them: “Say it from the heart with a curry-stained sheet.”

Dennis Wise gets Wikipedia vandalised

As spotted on The Spoiler, some one with a dislike of Dennis Wise (that narrows it down then) has vandalised his Wikipedia page with a very naughty word. Of course, an overlooked aspect of the Joey Barton saga is how could Newcastle have sacked their errant midfielder with the renowned cabbie-biter upstairs? That’s right, they couldn’t.

Top Five Shrewd Deadline Day Moves

The best of the deadline day business

1. Tom Soares to Stoke (£1.5 million)

When this guy last played in the top-flight, the big clubs couldn’t wait to throw their money at him. He might have gone off the boil slightly, but he is only 22 and his talent is undoubted. A good piece of business for Stoke.

Roman Abramovich experiences life in the real world

It just goes to show, it can happen to the best of us. Roman Abramovich is not a man who is likely to be best pleased at not getting his own way. The Russian is likely to be a little embarrassed at failing to land Robinho, not only because his oil money was outbid but also because Chelsea were so convinced that they had got their man.

The Chelsea owner must now be worrying exactly how deep he is going to have to dig into those pockets to continue to attract the greediest players to Stamford Bridge. As for the clubs without a billionaire tycoon pulling the strings, get one ASAP. They are this season’s must have accessory.

Football videos: Mike Ashley downs his pint at the Emirates

Chug, chug, chug

To be fair, Newcastle’s performance was enough to drive anyone to drink. The Newcastle chairman is now facing possible police action and a football banning order for breaking the rules about drinking alcohol within view of the playing surface. In his defence, a spokesman for Ashley claimed he was “offered a drink which he thought was non-alcoholic so he took it in good faith”. That reminds of the time we were offered a cigarette behind the bike shed at school and took it in good faith believing that it was one of those joke ones… Likely story, Mike.

Dimitar Berbatov to Manchester City

That’ll teach the miserable Bulgar!

Surely not? As if calling themselves United wasn’t going to wind-up Red Devils fans enough, Manchester City’s new owners are now set to pip their city rivals to the signing of Dimitar Berbatov. City have had a £30 million bid for the long-term United target accepted, although the Bulgarian is believed to still be in talks with both Manchester clubs.

City manager Mark Hughes said: “”I’m stunned and excited. Both myself and the fans are very excited by what’s going on. There have been a lot of disruptions and negative publicity but that’s been put to the side in one fell swoop.”

A name change for Manchester City? Come on, Abu Dhabi United

The Blues new owners pick unfortunate name

Surely even the most ignorant of Premier League observers would know that if you are going to take over Manchester City you don’t have anything to do with the word ‘United’. Apparently not. City’s new owners are none other than Abu Dhabi United. The man behind the (slightly dodgy name) is Dr Sulaiman Al Fahim and here he is with his United/City shirt.

Top 10 conclusions: Premier League weekend 30-31 August

Pies rounds up the weekend action

1. Paul Ince must feel like he has been robbed. How did West Ham end up beating Blackburn 4-1? A disallowed goal, a missed penalty, and some good chances, plus conceding twice in injury time led to a very misleading scoreline.

More conclusions after the jump…

Horror Hair: Glen Johnson

The Palm Tree Afro

Portsmouth full-back Glen Johnson is currently sporting a short-back-and-sides avec afro. The cropped sides and nape only lull you into a false sense of security ahead of the palm tree of a hairdo that is to follow. There is definitely a touch of the Sideshow Bobs about it. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, it looks like he is trying to convince Jermain Defoe to have the same done!